You know, its always funny how people always ask around for advices, and yet not heed them, and yet, still keep asking for advices over and over again. I'm not complaining about anyone else here, but, I just feel I always make a very good adviser for my girlies, but when the ball is being thrown back into my court, I'm stuck, and I have no one to turn to. Or rather, maybe I do have people telling me things which are 100% true, and I insist to live in self denial, and I refuse to listen to the things that are obviously the truth, and wished that they weren't. Contradicting huh? I think so too.

I tend to read too much into the smallest, tiniest shit, which is so god damn hard for me to not read too much into them! Well, maybe I've been too free, I need to start getting my life back on track, keep myself busy, so I'll prolly be too tired to think of even the largest shit that happened. I seriously hate my life now, feeling so useless, and I'm so gonna start doing something about it. Otherwise, before my dad starts to go crazy from trying to keep me at home, I'll start going crazy first.

I seemed to have lost control of my mind, totally. And I'm going nuts, with all sorts of thoughts, all sorts of but's but's and what if's, what if's and what if's. I may look simple but I think complicatedly, with a very wild imagination. I guess, if I were to be in the artsy fartsy industry, I would have been famous for my wonderful, creative and wild imagination! Sometimes, I really wished I was a retard, visually or hearing impaired, so I could trust unconditionally, I wouldn't be seeing things I wished I hadn't, hearing things which I shouldn't.

Blah blah blah...

I just hate to hear things I shouldn't have.

*Prolly, it was my ear that had a problem.*
*repeats 100 times*