I thought......

Today's the start of my 4th semester, and I'm starting to feel all shitty again. I don't really think I should feel so, because I need this, not because I wanted it. And I've got no choice but to bite it through. The last semester was totally screwed, and without having to see my results, I'm 100% sure that I've flunked it. Sighz, 3 main paper and 2 supp paper awaits me, and I'm really feeling all so demoralised.

I read my last blog, all the past posts, what we used to had, what you've done for me, and all the thoughts I've had about us, they made me smile and sorta made my heart twitch a little. Yes, it still hurts, and I've gotta admit, I still miss you. Bah~ bad thing I guess. But I'm sure I don't love you as much anymore, perhaps it was a habit of mine and now I'm still trying to kick it away. Its just like drugs, ciggies, and alcohol right? Once you're addicted to any of it, you need some time to kick the habit away, or find something else to replace it so you can kick the habit away with much ease right? I thought I've forgotten, but I haven't. Yea yea, I know, its in the past, and its over. Should be looking forward, and not backwards.

I tried, tried to know someone new, and have a fresh start, just so to forget whatever that has happened, but apparently, I'm still as contradicting. I love the life I'm having now, no restrictions to where I go, what I do, what I wear, and what kinda friends I hang out with, but still, no one can make me feel that I'm important in their life. I've always been serious to how I treat people, but then they take me as a joke, no one is ever serious, that's how I feel though. I don't get assured, treated seriously, or rather they are serious, but yet do things that made me feel they aren't serious. I don't know, or perhaps its just me that I'm feeling so all insecure about everything.

I'm just tired of not being taken seriously, I hate to compromise again and again and all I get in the end are just tears and the sounds of my heart breaking.

Baaahhhh~ random thoughts and thoughts of me trying to be emotional.

Damn! Always happens when my period is here. Shiat.